Wondering whether I am gay or lesbian.

Am I gay?

Homosexuality means being sexually attracted to another person of the same sex as you – that is a boy/man being attracted to another boy/man which is normally called being ‘homosexual’ (though the terms ‘gay’ or ‘queer’ have been used in the past) and a girl/woman being sexually attracted to another woman/girl which is normally called being a ‘lesbian’ (but may also be referred to as being ‘gay’)

The emphasis here is on sexual feelings and needs not to be confused (where possible!) with other strong feelings of love and affection – for parents, for brothers and sisters, for good friends, class mates etc.

Homosexuality, or being ‘gay’ does have a high profile on the television, in the papers, and other media in our society nowadays and therefore it is absolutely normal, and not at all surprising that teenagers may on occasions wonder if they themselves are homosexual or ‘gay’.

Here is one pretty average and normal example as to how boys may feel about sex. Joe is aged 15.

“Before my first girl friend, it was just wanking (masturbating). It never seemed to be or anything, just something I did when I felt like it – easy peasy. It seems like I’ve being doing that for as long as I can remember – along with all my friends who were at it as well – though we didn’t talk about it much! There was a period when I did wonder whether I was gay or something because I was wanking all the time, and I thought that might mean I fancied men or something.”

There is no absolutely fool proof way of telling whether you are homosexual or not and anyhow it most often will not be as definite as that – some people may find that they are, at one time or another, sexually attracted both to people of the opposite sex and to people of the same sex.

All these feelings are part of the enormous variations that there are present in human beings and in the way that they behave.

Why are people gay and how common is it?

Now what?